Be a Leader Before Being a Friend

One of our goals as a leader in youth ministry is to have strong and healthy relationships with students. However, it's important to maintain the difference between being a leader and being a friend. Problems can appear when those roles are reversed. The challenge is to be a leader first and a friend second. Let's look at a few qualities of each.

A Friend-First Leader will:
1. Obsess over their "cool status" with students
2. Be overly passionate and involved with teenage issues like drama, gossip, stuff at school, etc...
3. Hesitate to challenge students to go deeper in their faith

A leader-first leader doesn't care as much about being liked but is respected and trusted, asks the tough questions, and looks out for the students' best interest. While friends may emulate some of these qualities, leaders have all of these qualities.  Don't get me wrong: a leader will resemble a friend in certain ways, but knows where to draw that line.

For instance...

A Leader-First Leader will give:

1. Practical direction. While students' reactions may be hurtful at times, they do respect an adult who provides difficult guidance in a loving way. Whether students are going through positive or difficult situations, they're looking for adults who will give helpful direction- telling them what need to hear, not what they want to hear.

2. Biblical guidance. Friend-first leaders do not often get beyond the surface of a situation before quickly turning to something else- something that's not as threatening as God's truth. Help bring God's perspective into view by giving guidance that is rooted in God's word. Leaders need to be willing to challenge students to seek God in their daily lives.

3. Ongoing care. Our students will find plenty of surface or even fake relationships, however, they're thirsty for loving, authentic relationships. I want to challenge you you to be something different than what students are used to. Seek to love students in an authentic, healthy way. Affirm them in deeper ways than their friends do.

Being an adult leader who truly loves students doesn't mean you won't be likeable and fun to be around. But consider being cool in their eyes as a bonus, rather than your primary goal.